I must admit, I have not been feeling well. Not much new there.
It is getting darker earlier. College students are starting back. For the first time since I was 5, I will not be going to a school or college this fall. Like most things, I don't really feel it. But somewhere in me I'm probably a bit upset, which is prompting me to feel down.
In movies when the lead character is feeling down, something or someone comes along to inspire and enrich that character's life.
I wonder if anything has ever come for me. I've gone out and got things. London, university, jobs. But has anything come to me that has changed my life, that has made me happy, that has made me not this horrible cliche of a sad 19th century heroine?
I don't fucking know. Those sorts of things you probably can't see clearly, especially if you're not looking for them.
I often wish I had never been born. I mean this; I'm not being dramatic. It is why I don't want to have children. This world is so horrible. I think people don't realize how horrible it is, with technology and happy meals to distract us. But most of the time it is really awful.
That's why you have to take moments of happiness and keep them with you. Be grateful for them. Because they're fleeting.
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Jack Vettriano
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