cynicism

I was thinking: there is not one person in my life that is happy most of the time. I am literally surrounded by people whose life makes them miserable. I do not think it is their fault that they are unhappy – most people have bad situations that are difficult to get out of. [like me]. But it has to be said that sometimes people make their life so by cherishing a negative outlook on life.

Conan O'brien in his goodbye speech on his late night show on Friday said that young people should not be cynical, that is will never lead you anywhere pleasant.

“I hate cynicism. It’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

I think I have forgotten how to be happy and, more so, how not to be cynical. I thank him for saying that because it reminded me that I used to not be as cynical as I’ve become.

So many people in my life make me sad because they are. Truth be told. It is hard to stay positive when there are others who, by example or even word, are telling you that it is fruitless to do so. I really wish I were being overly dramatic. After listening to Conan’s speech I tried to think of one person in my life who is happy, genuinely happy with their career, family, themselves, and could not think of one. Is this reality? Not being happy. Or is it just the reality I happen to be stuck in?

Yesterday I was dreading working on my resume. I have had people prodding me to send out resumes and became very agitated and upset at them and, more so, myself for procrastinating, for fearing to do anything, to even think about this horrible situation I am in: jobless for almost a year, having no clue what “I want to do with the rest of my life.” But after a good 12 hour sleep, I sat down at my computer and decided it was going to have to happen, but instead roamed about the Internet for a while, until I came across an interview David Tennant was giving on Scottish radio and listening to him and his always fun, simple positive attitude I began working on my resume and sending it out without really realizing what I was doing.

I do simply adore DT. Those unfortunates who read my blog know this. Hopefully less so for any psychological problem – although I’m sure it is connected somehow. Seriously, I just like him because he is (or, rather, I should write, seems to be) a genuinely happy bloke. He is the biggest star in Britain at the moment (although hardly known in the States – which may change if he gets the NBC show he shot a pilot for) so I’ve seen a lot of interviews and behind the scenes material with him. There was one article I ran across about him titled something like, “Is there anything wrong with David Tennant?” He’s known to be a very professional actor. Everyone loves him; it is very odd how well he is loved. He can be serious, he can be funny, he can make a complete fool out of himself (check out videos of him dressed up in drag for a comedy sketch show; the Brits love them some drag), and he works both low and high art (Doctor Who and Hamlet, for instance), something for which British actors are not known for. In Britain, you have stage actors, and you have comic actors, and never the twain shall meet.

Anyway, the point is, that he has the sort of joie de vivre that I aspire toward, and when things are difficult for me, I think of what he has accomplished and all with a nice attitude and a smile. Then life suddenly doesn’t seem so difficult. I would very much like a real live person in my life of his ilk.

(For the record, I am sure DT’s not perfect, and probably sustains a cocaine habit that allows him to be so happy, as well as I’m sure he is not happy all the time. Have I covered my bases?)