29 March 2010

Quotable quotes, from David Tennant

David Tennant, British actor and lover of the 1980's version of the very popular British sci-fi show Doctor Who, was asked to play the twenty-first century version of the main character in 2005. His reaction, as told by Russell T. Davies, the head writer, was -- "He laughed, and then he swore, and the third thing he did was say, 'I want a very long coat!'"

[Okay, so I started with one quote, and then it just progressed.....]

Billie Piper (co-star): Chris [Eccleston, previous Doctor] would go away in between breaks and save his energy for the performance -- whereas, with David, we'll kind of chat, we'll have a laugh, but then, as soon as he needs to focus, he'll find his own way of doing that. David dances with it more. He's a bit more like a -- I don't know -- a baby deer. He's my little Bambi!"

"You have to have a certain amount of faith in the CGI boys not to stitch you up. You could do all this terrified acting, and this pink, fluffy thing appears."

"It's lovely to be recognised and appreciated for a show that you're proud of and people love, but I don't like the scrutiny on those close to me. Not that anyone close to me complains about it, but it's difficult not to feel that you're inflicting it on people who didn't ask for it. People can say what they like about me, but I don't like it when they feel that they can comment on my loved ones, just because of their association with me. I find that pretty disgusting."

The wonderfully gay and always up for a "larf" John Barrowman on discovering a secret about his character on Doctor Who:
"David and I were on set, filming Utopia, and we had the script to the final episode, but I hadn't read it, because I don't like to read scripts until we go into the read through. David kept coming to my trailer in the lunch break and saying, 'Have you read it?' I'd keep saying, 'No.' He'd ask the same the next day. He said, 'There's something so amazing in it. You're going to wet yourself when you see what's coming.' I thought, right, I'm going to put the boy out of his misery. I read it the following day. Halfway through my lunch break, I ran to David's trailer, banged on his door. 'OH! MY! GOD!!!' And David screamed back, 'ISN'T IT AMAZING!!!!' We just jumped around like idiots. And then I rang Russell and said, 'Were you high?' What a great idea!" [there you go reader, an incentive to watch the show!]

[Yup, that's them kissing, off set. DT's not gay, but he is British].

"With someone like Kylie [Minogue], you're battling your own expectations of what you know them for -- but look, at the end of the day, they still go to the loo! They're just people."

The fans' response when my mother died [of cancer]....well, it puts it all into perspective, really...People on the internet started raising money for the hospice that she died in, without any prompting, without me saying anything, just because of a job that I do...[I gave money]. The fact that it obviously means so much to people, and that they want to do something like that for somebody that they've never met, is very humbling and terribly, terribly moving. It meant such a lot, and was quite sort of breathtaking for myself and the whole family. It was done so selflessly, so spontaneously, and without any fanfare. I can't tell you what it meant."

The only place that it's weird is in the gym...If you're in the changing rooms, and you're all pink, and naked, and bedraggled, after an hour on a running machine or whatever, an hour trying to lift some weights that are far too heavy for you, and you're standing there, and somebody comes up and asks for an autography....You're standing there literally bollock naked and sweaty, and that's the only time that I think, this is inappropriate. Or worse -- if they're all pink and puffy and naked! But I just go, 'yes, of course, who's it to?' -- like an eejit! I don't know what's the appropriate response. Is it appropriate to go, 'This is weird, I don't want to look at your genitals while I sign an autography....?"

[And, yes, there is a picture of DT naked online, from a play he did years ago, but I'll be sensible enough not to post it. However, I will tell you that Billie Piper's nickname for him is David Ten inch.....].


All quotes from Doctor Who Magazine

27 March 2010

"solitary rooms"

"...The stories of the city [London], throughout the centuries, have been filled with lonely and isolated people who feel their solitude more intensely within the busy life of the streets. They are what George Gissing called the anchorites of daily life, who return unhappy to their solitary rooms. The early city hermits may therefore be regarded as an apt symbol for the way of life of many Londoners."

It was for me during my time in London. There is something so paradoxical about a big city. It is filled with people, and manifold buildings, and amusements, but because of this it can (and often is) the most lonely place to inhabit. One can feel like a stranger among so many people.


Ackroyd, Peter. London The Biography. pg 41.

25 March 2010

rain, London, a remembrance

As my parents fight downstairs, and the rain falls outside on this cold night, I remember the serenity of walking through the streets of London on a cool, rainy night like this. Over Westminster Bridge. Lights everywhere. Big Ben striking the hour. The people, mostly tourists, walking about, defiant against the rain,, needing to get their photos before leaving the next morning, the people who work in London gone home by train, only those wealthy enough live in London -- or, like me, use loan money to pay for a 1,000 a month squat of a room in a dormitory.

I walked down the street in my neighborhood in Pittsburgh tonight while it rained and remembered a time when I walked, foolishly, through the strand next to the river while it was pouring. There were many other people there, and one couple holding hands. No one uses umbrellas in London. It is useless; the wind is too fierce. Water doesn't bother Londoners. They go home and make tea to warm themselves. Tonight, I could almost feel the same I did when walking through the rain in London, could almost smell the same smell of cold, and rain, but it wasn't the same.

23 March 2010

quotable quotes, from Tina Fey

Found a copy of ESQUIRE at the library with Tina Fey on the front. Tina Fey has to be one of (if not the most) funny lady of our time. She's definitely an idol of mine.

Here are some quotes I particularly liked from her interview:

Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way.

My daughter wants to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She's a pretty violent Belle. She'll come in and say, "Gaston is hurt. I've killed him with a sword."

If we get to the hundredth episode [of 30 Rock] next season, we'll definitely get cake. In the shape of Trace Morgan's face. But a vanilla cake. Just to be unexpected.

I've got four moves as an actress: eye rolling, listening, trying to cry, and running away from the camera.

I benefit from lack of curiosity in many areas. I'm like, "Nah, I'm good." I don't need to make out with ten people. I get it. I don't need to smoke that. I get it.

Actually, the recurring dream of my childhood is to be in a room up to my neck in McDonald's french fries and I've got to eat my way out. It's great.

Advice to married men? Keep on your wedding ring and shut your mouth.

21 March 2010

glad I'm not the only one

Abby sent me this, a recent posting from Post-secret

19 March 2010

wise words

Surely it is not a matter of what we feel we can give; it is what is needed of us.
from Lark Rise to Candleford

job news, not good, as usual

I can't even get an interview for a mail room position. A mail room position! Granted, the hr woman I talked to said that I was over qualified for it, but I don't fucking care. It is full time. Benefits. I need a job. But they don't want to hire someone who they think will leave them for a better job shortly after. Well, I can't get a better job now. I can't get any job. With this and the crap I've gone through with my career "counselor", I'm quite despondent. But, thankfully for anxiety medication, not quite defeated or terribly worried.

Went to doctors this week. He says he wants to take me off these meds in 6 months. That scares me. I don't want to feel like I did before I started taking these meds. Neither do I want to stay on these meds for the rest of my life. But I do know I have to get a good job and (hopefully) move out of my parents house before I stop taking these meds b/c I simply do not have the strength to prop myself up. I just don't.

EDIT: A friend just informed me that hr people always say that you are over qualified for a position they don't want to interview you for in order to, in a sense, lessen the blow. Sometimes I would just like to remain ignorant.

13 March 2010

members of BNP should not teach our youth?

Yes, I am aware that no one reading my blog -- those scant few unfortunates -- care about a British political party in Britain called the BNP. But I do and this is my blog and I will continue to write about it.

This is a nice summation of my own stance about this fascist party, however I do differ from this author's main point. The author is a British instructor in Britain who has written on his blog in an article titled "No ifs, no buts, no nazis" about Labour School's Secretary Ed Balls's decision to not refuse BNP members from teaching positions. Mr. Teacher here replies:

I am very much in favour of free speech and I believe that every member of a democratic society has the initial right to openly voice his/her beliefs without fear of persecution. However, if these beliefs advocate or encourage the persecution of other members of the same democratic society then that individual or group of individuals should forfeit their right to promote and practice these beliefs. In short, it is abhorrent that the odious Nick Griffin is at the helm of a legal, officially recognised political party and not, as should be the case, the gagged boss of a shunned, powerless mob. If banning current BNP members from teaching, or banning current teachers from joining the BNP, would currently lead to legal proceedings then there is clearly a systemic problem. The law needs to be changed in order to protect students and school staff from being subjected to the racist propaganda of a mindless minority. To suggest otherwise is to destroy the sense of community cohesion, the gel that holds many schools together.

I myself have written that I believe the BNP should be "put down" as it were, that their free speech should not perhaps be taken away entirely but hugely ridiculed because they themselves do not follow the principles of free speech. However, I do not think it would be correct to refuse BNP members teaching positions for fear that they will unwittingly or intentionally influence their students beliefs. Unlike Mr. Teacher and those who follow him I do not believe that it is impossible for instructors to leave their beliefs outside the classroom door. If, however, any teacher is unable to treat his/her students as equals because of issues of race then there would be a reason for that teacher to be dismissed. If the instructor does not teach what is required of him, then he can be dismissed. But refusing a qualified teacher a position before he has been given it is in itself a breech of a fundamental democratic principle.

12 March 2010

writing in the cafe

Find me a man who's interesting enough to have dinner with, and I'll be happy.
Lauren Bacall

I am sitting in the cafe in the William Penn, my high heeled black pumps propped on the March issue of Vanity Fair that is resting on the wood table in front of me. I spent the last hour and a half reading specifically two articles in Vanity Fair, one on how technology (Twitter, Facebook, and Goggle) are changing the basis of human behaviour and a charming portrayal of the late screenwriting genius John Hughes's life and works, the latter which included The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Sixteen Candles. My IPod is on shuffle and currently blaring the Scottish rock bank Franz Ferdinand. A cold sip or two of tea remains in the large white cup placed next to me on the black side table to my left.

There is a very tall young man with black hair styled just a little too long for my taste that must come to this cafe every day at nearly the same time as whenever I am here on either day during the week he comes in. I remember him because he looks like the British actor Richard Armitage. Par example:

In short, he is very good looking. I see him looking at me when he comes in. Maybe he remembers me.

I've never been in love. Romantic love. I am nearly 24 -- in a month I will turn 24. I feel like 24 is the end of youth. Not many aged 24 or over are considered naive youths; the heroines of 19th century British literature are never over the age of 23 -- excepting only Jane Austen's near-spinster Anne Elliot, given another chance with the man she fell in love with as a naive youth after she meets him again many years after refusing an offer of marriage with him that her family did not then approve. The actresses who play these characters are invariably the same age of their characters, ingenue's of 19 - 23 starting off their career with a lead role that can make or break their subsequent acting reputation. The new JANE EYRE production that begins shooting at the end of this month stars Mia Wasikowska, Tim Burton's Alice of Alice in Wonderland who has been named in the current issue of Vanity Fair as one of the break-out young actresses to watch. She is only 19. I want to remain like these girls. Naive forever. Every week starting over anew, with a chance of failing or succeeding, and the exhilaration this brings. I feel, in a paranoid vein no doubt, that once you fall in love, or start a job that you decide to dedicate yourself to for a long time, when you "settle down" and have children, that not much new, inspiring, energizing can occur to you that you did not expect. This conjecture is no double perpetuated by the perspective of life presented to us in movies and T.V.

I would like to live my youth over again in order to relish the unexpected rather than fear it as I feel I did the first time. I certainly fear I will not make enough of my post-23 years, as I fear I did not embrace my adolescence.

But -- I was writing about love. To put it plainly I am really not attracted to most men. I do not find most people interesting to begin with; even the tall drink of water that is sitting on the farther side of the cafe from me is not entirely immune from my critical eye. I have never really liked any guy I've gone out with. I've never been so much as sexually attracted to them. Naturally I fear there is something wrong with me. Are my expectations too high? Yes. Is that enough to hinder finding ANYONE who can charm me? I think not. Maybe I have been interested here or there with someone -- usually unattainable -- but I soon grow tired of the illusion. Futhermore, I have no patience with what I perceive to be people's faults. Perhaps I am incapable of "falling in love".

After I wrote this I went to the library to pick up my items. One of the books on hold for me was: "Marry Him: The Case For Settling for Mr. Good Enough."

11 March 2010

"We err, we fall, we are humbled"

I believe -- I daily find it proved -- that we can get nothing in this world worth keeping, not so much as a principle or a conviction, except out of purifying flame or through strengthening peril. We err, we fall, we are humbled; then we walk more carefully. We greedily eat and drink poison out of the gilded cup of vice or from the beggar's wallet of avarice. We are sickened, degraded; everything good in us rebels against us; our souls rise bitterly indignant against our bodies; there is a period of civil war; if the soul has strength, it conquers and rules thereafter.

Charlotte Bronte, SHIRLEY, 402

09 March 2010

my book from the 1830's

I have a book sitting on my desk entitled "Goldsmith's Poems" that was published in the 1830's. I bought it at the South Bank Book Stall in London that is situated next to the river Thames. From my research the publisher only produced books in the early 1830's. I cannot located the specific date of this one I have in my possession. I cannot find this book on any of the antique book sites I have used in the past to locate every other book I have bought published in the 19th century.

I don't know why I have not thought of this before. I held the book in my hand today -- a very small book, covered in what is now a slightly faded green hard back with gold lettering for the title on the spine, no picture or words on the front -- and the thought suddenly occurred that some man or woman from the 19th century bought this book and held it in their hand. Possibly read it, although it does not open very easily, the spine very stiff, which seems to suggest it has not be read often. This book has been in many hands and many places since it first came to life in the early 19th century. How extraordinary that it should survive two centuries later and that I should now hold it.

next to my Harrods tea emphasizing how small it is.

08 March 2010

things that piss me off

Little things bother me. A lady from a job I sent my resume to called today. She called on Thursday, I called back all day Friday. She never called back on Friday. She called again at 9:00 am today. I called her back at 10:30 when I received her message -- she wasn't in; I left a message when I called back at 3:00. She called about 4:30 when I had given up waiting for her call and took to a walk. Got message when I returned, her saying if I can't get a hold of her next time I call (chances are high, I'm guessing) I should tell her on machine when it is best for her to get a hold of me. She said it in just a slightly nasty tone which put the blame on me, I felt. At least that's what I heard. Anyway, this situation pisses me off. And my too sensitive self wonders if it is my fault. Although I rather wonder at her never being around when I call in the early and late afternoon.

Besides this, Etrade closed my savings account with them and sent my money (all 126.00 of it -- all I have in the world) to Discover bank. I had a panicky three minutes before calling Etrade and learning that indeed I still technically had this money, they had just neglected to inform me that they were moving it. Now I can't access this money, transfer it from Discover to Citizens Bank account when I can then withdrawal it without waiting 2-3 days for Discover to verify my account. Reason I put money in Etrade was because they have a higher interest rate than Citizens so that I can make more money on my money. This was when I had 5,000 to put in there.

With Spring-like weather melting the snow I begin to feel restless, as though I should be doing more, FEELING more than I can. Even in London I never felt....I always wanted to be a part of something more, as though this ache I feel will go away if there is something or someone to consume it. I know I require something better than what i have, whether a person or a situation, and don't know if I'll find it -- if it even exists.

07 March 2010

I write

Because nobody can give the high price you require for your confidence. Nobody is rich enough to purchase it. Nobody has the honour, the intellect, the power you demand in your adviser. There is not a shoulder in England on which you would rest your hand for support, far less a bosom which you would permit to pillow your head. Of course you must live alone.
SHIRLEY, Charlotte Bronte, 380

I write in the pink notebook I bought in London at WH Smith. In London I wrote notes in here for class. In America I fill the rest of the empty pages with quotes from the books I read and thoughts I have that I have to write in here first (in my inscrutable handwriting) before typing on the computer. Because, if I try writing these thoughts on the computer first, my repressed self won't let it come out. I suppose the relative privacy of a notebook shelters my tortured unconscious. I sound like a therapist.

I have been thinking about seeing a therapist. But I cannot imagine finding someone to talk to that would be good enough for me -- meaning someone I can depend on, who will want me to talk to them, who has my best interest at heart. I imagine (rather -- fear) that even therapists have their own agendas. Would, for instance, not think me clever enough or interesting enough to deal with me and will subtly express this. This paranoia stems from my parents, both of whom were not a good support for me and still are not, who have such problems of their own that they are incapable of dealing with mine, who I cannot explain my feelings to because they are either not sympathetic (primarily my mother) or not -- well -- knowledgeable enough about life (dad). I often blame others who are not able to be as dependable and interested as I would like them to be, but I know that this is not something realistic. People can only give as much they can. My parents should have been more reliable; I can get away with blaming them a little. And I do.

04 March 2010


Before I took anxiety pills I would become very overwhelmed by my sadness. Of being alone. Of dealing with my parents, while there was no one to take care of me. Now I feel calm, even when things get bad. But it doesn't take away the situation, how bad it can be, and how sad I am, even though I do not feel depressed and no longer feel that ache in the pit of my stomach -- really, in my heart.

But I wonder what is worse, feeling the pain -- having a physical reaction to my sadness -- or not feeling anything, but knowing that I am still sad.