A series of amusing -- or not so amusing -- vignettes

Every time I walk past the guards at Buckingham Palace, the ones with the machine guns that stand near the entrance to the Palace, I feel the need to run up to them while yelling, "I HAVE COME TO OVERTAKE THE THRONE," and for some reason in a Scottish accent, a la Sean Connery.

As I got off the Westminster Bridge today, I thought: I can smell marajuana, who is smoking marijuana? And then thought, as I twirled around looking for the person, I'm not going to be able to tell, unless they are smoking it in public. Then I saw a man with a beard, dressed in grungy clothes, standing near a tube station, with a full head of dreadlocks.

I almost fell three times today and did actually once. Almost fell twice inside The Victoria and Albert Museum -- not a good thing when you are near priceless objects three hundred years old. The second time the security guard/curator/I don't know what the hell these people do but walk around the galleries all day, saw me and I felt for certain that he was going to follow me around the nineteenth century gallery for fear that I would run into one of the items. Then I actually did fall walking up the Cabinet War Room stairs near Parliament. And then almost fell when I tripped after passing the smoking marijuana dreadlocks guy.

Although the last part did actually happened, I just realized the double entendre present within that sentence.

I was at the Victoria and Albert Museum for my class. My assignment this week is to find an item in the nineteenth century room, write down what it is and its significance to me. Then I get to present this information to my class. The joke for this one is already provided.

Bike riders in London do not stop for anyone. Generally a side of the street is sectioned off for bike riders. People, however, don't realize this and end up walking on this part. I saw four people almost get run over today. In one instance the male bike rider made his way toward a male pedestrian standing in the bike lane while waiting for the light to turn for him to walk across. The biker sounded his dinky little bike bell three times to let the man know he should, essentially, get the hell out of the way, but the pedestrian didn't hear the bell or wasn't paying attention because he stayed where he was. The rider stopped short only an inch from where the man was standing -- said man at this point realized what was happening and put his hands on the front of the bike to stop him -- and the exasperated biker yelled in a deep throated English accent, "OH, FUCK ME," before riding off. Do I need to tell you what was my next thought?

Yeah, this last one's puerile, but nevertheless true.


Lastly,

Here's an article featured in this evening's London Lite newspaper which is, at least in my mind, very funny, unintentionally of course:


Suicide net for Golden Gate Bridge

The Golden Gate Bridge, the world's most popular place to commit suicide, has had a safety net fitted. Since it opened in 1937, more than 1,300 people have leapt to their deaths in San Francisco Bay, including 19 this year. The bridge authority has now decided to hang a circus-like net under the bridge to catch jumpers. It follows decades of debate between mental health experts and architectural preservationists.

[pic: Sophia Myles: English actress currently living in L.A.]