I hate my life. Is that okay? I'm living in London but hate my life.

I'm bored.

I try to delude myself into thinking that I'm leading an interesting life. But I'm not. I'm in London, yeah, so what, it's a city like any other.

I read about other people's lives and I think they are so much more worthwhile than mine, even the people who spent half their life on drugs who can't remember their youth.

I've never done drugs. I hardly drink. I lead a boring, pathetic life. The highlights of my life are knitting, reading victorian literature, going to the theatre, alone.

I hate my classes. I think an English degree is useless, yet it is the only thing I can do, read books, try to make some sense out of them.

I wish I were in America but I also don't. I wish I had my family with me, even if they are hopelessly neurotic. There is something stable, even in the unstable.

I wish I had a boyfriend -- yukk, hate that term -- rather, I wish I had a lover -- hate that term too because it is connotatively overly sentimental. I wish I had a guy that wouldn't be around too much, who is passionate, and does things, who doesn't treat me like the child I sorta still am. A guy who wears a longish black coat -- not trenchish but thick and warm -- who smells of high street cologne like the samples in GQ, who has really good looking hair, and is tall.

I can't sleep at night, because I am alone. An empty bed is the worst thing ever.

I wish I could afford cute London clothes. I wish I had a pair of big black boots like all the girls wear in the fall. I wish I could dress myself fashionably. I wish I wasn't afraid to wear a hat because I think they make me look awkward.

I wish I had someone to go to the pub with, to stay there with until it closes, and then run around London with until the sun comes up. I wish I could flag down a black cab and instruct the cabbie to drive me to any destination, even though I could just take the tube or walk.

I want to watch the sun come up in the morning and feel inspired, feel that life is worth something.

I don't want to worry about money, even when I have plenty of it. I want to just buy whatever I fancy, at least once in a while, without feeling guilty about my parents at home who are so bad at saving money (saving is not in their vocabulary) that they can't afford to pay their bills, and so are constantly hounded by creditors.

I wish I had someone in my life that would pick me up from the ground and tell me everything will be all right, instead of always having to pick myself up. Who wouldn't make me feel guilty for being so hopeless, as I think I am.